Thursday, 25 June 2009

  • Top 10 embarassing moments of my life

    The other day my friend Ashlee and I somehow ended up on the topic of our most embarrassing moments.  I usually don't get embarrassed very easily but just like everyone else in the world I have definitely had a few moments that were a little less than smooth lol...

    10.  When I was in middle school (about 10 years old) I seen an older kid open the door to the stairs using his foot.  We had those big horizontal handles that you push in...  so I thought I'd be real smooth and do the same.  Needless to say, doing it while holding a ton of books doesn't work very well...  and it also doesn't work very well when you're short as hell and can barely reach the handle with your foot....  I fell flat on my ass in front of a bunch of classmates.  Good impression huh? lol

    9.  Living in southern WV people are notorious for pronouncing about 90% of words completely wrong.  My parents are actually among the worst of the worst lol....worsher is washer, winder is window, fard is fired, and so on...  Naturally at some point early in life while interacting with the rest of society you realize that isn't how you say such and such word.  And that was the case with me except for one word...parmesan.  As in parmesan cheese.  My parents always pronounced it something like "Par-ME-Z-ANN".  So this was just great for me when I was a junior in high school and having spaghetti with my boyfriend at the time.  Nothing like impressing your older, college age boyfriend with your astounding use of vocabulary lol.  He died laughing at me.

    8.  A few months ago at work we got a call to go across the street from the station.  A woman had passed out.  The 911 center said she was okay and everything, but she wanted checked out.  This was about 2:00 am.  It takes me way too long to get dressed when I'm half asleep so I just sleep in my uniform.  But I unbutton my pants so I'll be more comfortable.  So anyway, we're in this lady's house and we're checking vitals and so on.  I'm discussing what happened with her and blah blah blah....and I don't know why, because I don't think anyone noticed (no one was looking at me weird or anything) but it suddenly occurred to me that my pants were unzipped.  I didn't know what to do, so I just went ahead and zipped them up while still talking to everyone lol....everyone just smiled at me real big lol...and I continued talking like nothing had ever happened.

    7.  A lot of these stories involve work...once again, I was on a call.  A 75 year old man with difficulty breathing.  The lady at his house looked like she was about 40.  I assumed she was his daughter.  Wrong lol.  As I was giving my report to the nurse I explained that his daughter was on her way and she had all his medications he says "That's my wife!"  lol opps.  As someone that has dated someone 16 years older than myself, you'd think I'd be a little more careful with things like that...but what can I say?  Either she is significantly younger than him or she just aged REALLY well lol...

    6.  The first day I worked as an EMT...Ah, nothing like being 20 years old with something to prove...I was so excited to finally have a job for the first time ever and not just any job.  No sir!  A very important job!  Saving people's lives!  And looking smooth while doing it...right?  Well, lets see...I showed up with my uniform shirt buttoned up wrong and no one bothered to tell me for about 3 hours.  I forgot to click my pen before putting it back in my shirt pocket so I ended up with a huge ink stain right on my boob.  My first emergency of the day I completely forgot to call in my report to the hospital so when we got there the medic in regional command came running out there "Hey, you forgot to call in a report!" and I was thinking "oh God I'm going to get fired..."  Then the next call in I had to do I had do make over the radio and I was so nervous I completely forgot to say "break" after each piece of information.  So I just got on there and started rambling and the guy didn't get anything I said lol... 

    5.  One day at work the medic I worked with got off duty in the morning at the same time as me.  He was supposed to work another shift in a town an hour away.  I was off duty but I was going up there for something anyway, so instead of having another crew take him up there (he didn't have a car) I decided to be nice and offer to take him.  How cool of me right?  Being nice and helping a fellow coworker.  Well it was cold as hell and snowing and about halfway there in the middle of nowhere my tire blew out.  I don't really know how to change a tire so he had to help me (which meant pretty much do it himself while I stood there and watched lol).  I felt so bad lol....I was trying to help him out by giving him a ride and he ends up changing my tire in the middle of the snow.  I felt like a real jackass.

    4.  When I was about 10 years old and in 5th grade we were learning about animals in science class.  We were learning about all kinds of different organisms...one cell, plant, animal....and being a nerd like I was, I was really excited to talk about it.  So at the dinner table with my parents I excitedly told them about how we were learning about orgasms.  My parents seemed quite surprised by this lol...then they corrected me and said "Honey, I think you're talking about organisms."  And even though I quickly realized my mistake and was horribly embarrassed about it, for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to try to convince them that they were wrong and that the proper word really was orgasms lol...  Which really just made the situation even worse...

    3.  One day at work we had a cardiac arrest.  The guy lived up a bunch of steps and was pretty heavy.  The only way to get him down was to carry him down on a backboard.  Now, why the hell I ended up on the head end I don't know.  Why the hell we ended up carrying him down head first I don't know...but what I do know, is that the entire time we were packing him down the stairs his head had slid down and he basically had his head pressed right between my boobs.  That was a little awkward lol...later on I told my partner and he told the other two guys that were on the call with us....they were like "hey, that's the new protocol...airway, breathing, boobies...if that doesn't wake him up nothing will!" lol...The joys of being a female in EMS lol...

    2.  This one is hard to believe.  People always mention this in a joke or something but leave it to me to make it a reality.  I was working for an ambulance company that didn't run 911 calls.  We had just brought a lady home from the hospital.  She had been perfectly fine the entire way but as we were getting ready to move her into her bed she went unconscious.  I was having trouble finding a pulse so I knew I needed to contact the 911 center to get a paramedic to back me up.  But I was working in a county where I had never ran 911 calls before.  Now, when the public calls 911 they actually dial 9-1-1 but around here, we are generally expected to dial an actual 7 digit phone number because the 911 number is for the general public.  So I said to my partner, "What's the number for 911?"  The patient's family looked at me like I had the IQ of a pencil.  Quickly realizing what I had just said I tried to explain to them that we normally call an actual phone number....I don't think they believed me lol

    1.  Now I guess out of all the weird experiences I have this one still tops the list.  I wrote a blog about this before...but I'll sum it up here.  When I was in high school (about 15 years old) I was out walking in town by myself when a bird shit on my head.  Fortunately this was right in front of McDonald's so I was able to run in quickly to go to the bathroom and clean up.  But unfortunately, my ex was in there with his new girlfriend.  I was still crazy about him so I tried to walk past him fast enough for him not to notice me (his back was toward me) but he saw me anyway and yelled at me.  I should have pretended not to hear him but I wasn't able to think that quickly lol....so there I was with the ex that I was still crazy about and wanted back and his new girlfriend and my head is covered in bird shit lol....  I actually wrote about this in detail here http://cuteserialkiller.xanga.com/669310056/what-was-the-most-humiliating-incident-in-your-life-so-far/

    So there it is lol...the most embarrassing moments of my life thus far.

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